It’s funny how people react to Facebook. Some are obsessed with it posting about every shit they take and how much better or worse it makes them feel, others, like myself, enjoy using it to keep in touch and stalk… er, find out what our friends and casual acquaintances are up to. But others like my brother Andrew despise it and everything it stands for from a conceptual standpoint. They’re bothered by the lack of privacy it gives them and incursion into people’s lives being the harbinger of some sort of dystopian reality show apocalypse where everyone knows everything about everyone and nothing’s worth knowing about to begin with. But what I really want to talk about is the stock. Being a man of modest means and little math skills I decided to buy a very small amount of shares of Facebook when it went public last week. I had heard all of the chatter that it wasn’t worth it because despite being hugely popular world wide they hadn’t really figured out a way to monetize it yet (And I can only assume that has something to do with Claude Monet but I don’t know who he is either.) Still I figured, when else will something this big go on sale, and unlike the rest of my vast portfolio (which can buy dinner for a family of three for two full nights) I actually understood the product. So basically I thought it would be fun to follow and I hopefully would be on the ground floor of something that could be a huge money maker, and I could finally get my dog Stella a solid gold bone! 
When I brought this up to my brother he scoffed, guffawed and mocked me. To be perfectly honest that’s how most of our conversations go but this one lasted a little longer. “Balderdash!” He declared, and I’m paraphrasing here. “The whole thing is a con job. Look at today’s New York Post, even they say so!” Now being a sane person who understands gravity and believes in evolution I take everything the Post says with a heaping grain of salt. They obviously have an agenda and it colors everything they do. However, being someone who understands gravity and believes in evolution I’m also not an idiot and could see that in this case, as with 3d movies, perception is reality. However, I bucked up in my belief that at some point the value of attracting 1 billion users must be worth something. So I bet my bro $100 that the stock would be over 30 by this Friday. To my chagrin it’s dropping like a stone and is now at 31.5.
Which brings me to the point of this post, in order to save me $100 I need all of my followers and guests to this site to buy stock of Facebook now to raise the price for at least a few more days. It may not be easy, may cost you thousands of dollars and I — as well as all of you — could, I guess in theory, go to jail for stock manipulation, but I don’t care! If you want to help me it’s worth that risk to your freedom!
